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Found in Translation.

March 31, 2007

This was the silliest day I have had in a long time, in the best way. I laughed so hard all day long and at one point when I went to answer my phone, I was nearly incapable of speech and I had to do that thing where I pretended to cough to cover it up. It all started when AB was telling me about how she had translated the lyrics of a recently chart-topping hip hop song for a coworker. The song, This is Why I’m Hot, by Mims, is unquestionably the best worst song to appear on the scene in a long while.

AB’s friend had a hard time understanding what Mims was really trying to say with his lyrics, so she very helpfully and brilliantly spreadsheeted a translation for him. When she sent it to me today, we spent some time researching one or two elements, and had pamie proofread it, and then I had to go to the ER and get oxygen, because I was almost literally sick from laughing. Download it here and try not to die. Note: there was some discussion of whether or not he says “Compton to Hollywood”or “coppin’ a Hollywood” (which is what the lyrics site claimed) and Pam submitted that it very well might be the latter since, as she said very seriously: “Well, it’s not much distance between Compton and Hollywood. It’s a pretty small section of LA, really. But I suppose he ain’t gonna chop no bird in the valley — although, if you’re going to talk about feathered friends and cocaine, you might want to do it in EAGLE ROCK.” Good one, Pam. At this point, we were analyzing the thing like it was freshmen English and we were all smoking cloves in a coffee house. Is Mims struggling against society? Thumbing his nose at his hood upbringing? Breaking the bonds of The Man? No… he’s pretty much just listing the ways in which he is hot. Well, in that case, is it so simple, it’s genius? I wish.

One day I will spend 90 hours writing about hip hop and R&B how messed up it is (especially the latter — R&B is ruined), and how Dre needs to come in and blow it all up and start over, but today I merely need to let this song illustrate my point. Writing braggadocious rhymes is what it’s all about, I realize that — but a song about how you’re so good, you’re a rapper who doesn’t have to rap? And I worry that the lyrics I am trying to write right now are “too obvious?” And Mims has released this song as a follow up to an earlier tune in which he boasted that he needed only thirty minutes to satisfy various women named Tia, Tamia, Shakia, and Dania? In which he also referenced Blue Cantrell? And he’s so rich he’s wearing a diamond encrusted logo of some kind in his teeth? This is why I’m stupid.

Here, I couldn’t stop myself. I wrote a new verse to This Is Why I’m Actually, Literally Hot (Is It Hot in Here?).

This is why I’m hot(x2)

This is why(x2) uh

This is why I’m hot (uh)

This is why I’m hot(x2) whoo

This is why(x2)

This is why I’m hot

 

I’m hot coz I’m wearin’ corduroy

You ain’t coz you’re not (mims)

This is why x2

This is why I’m hot(x2)

 

Verse:

This is why I’m hot

It’s 95 degrees

I’m wearin’ flannel shirts over heavy dungarees

I represent Gwinnett Co.

I got it on my back

I wish it wasn’t so hot

Why did I wear black?

I hate to feel so dirty

When it’s ninety-five above

Why did I wear a raincoat?

Why did I wear these gloves?

You’d think I would have noticed

There’s no longer any snow

I walked into the Waffle House

And fainted on the flo’

I need someone to help me

Style the clothes I wear each day

From Lawrenceville to Snellville

What will everybody say?

Next week I go to visit

Pamie in LA

She’s gonna wonder if I

Had a heat stroke on the way

And when I hit the Chao Camp

People say that I’m fly

Except for when AB

Puts her cig out in my eye

I ask her why she does it and simply she replies

[AB explains why she’s hot, etc.]

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